Three cheers for three years

I'm going through a breakup with my best friend. We have watched each other grow and mature as we were both in our first real relationship. However, these memories of us can only be memories, as we have grown apart.

We have responsibilities  and I guess our relationship wasn't one of his anymore. We have broken up twice before (mutually) and after a while, I have tried to piece us back together. However, last week was the last time I could even consider him a "friend". 

He changed, became more of a jerk. "Careless" and "inconsiderate" fit nicely. I gave up last week. I agreed with every little pesky detail of "moving on for the better","being busy this summer", "no time". I understand that he has a lot on his plate this summer, I do too, but where I caught the BULLSHIT was when he basically told me that he can't talk to me at all this entire summer because he is going to be spending ALL of his time at this Muay Thai place. This totally makes sense since he and his friends have made loads of plans to hang out this summer... AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ALL OF OUR SUMMER PLANS!? oh, that's right, they all went down the drain the second he started being a douche. 

I gave up on our relationship because he treated me the same way a 5 year old treats his Popsicle stick art project, he works on it when he feels like it, and then forgets about it till he is bored or reminded. 
Then again, you can't glue back broken Popsicle sticks, especially when the glue is almost gone.   

I've kept my distance and kept myself busy as the pain hadn't really hit me in the past few days, but then he texted me. Finally, I cracked and texted him back yesterday. After every small conversation, I delete all of his texts because I get angry. I am so angry that he thinks we can still be friends and everything after 3 years is perfectly okay. Well it's not. It hurts. A lot. The fact that he is perfectly fine with this sucks. All of this makes me want to live in those perfect memories where we weren't who we are today.  

The breakup has finally hit me. 

The only person that makes me feel better is me. I am fully aware of exactly what makes me feel better when I am down. Hope. Any words that I can turn into something possible and hopeful will push away the sadness and pain I feel. 

Right now, that's not enough and I just can't get rid of the poison that is killing the butterflies in my tummy. Breaking up is a hard thing to do. No one did say it was easy.